I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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