Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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