No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
