The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
