Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
