i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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