I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
