so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
