Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
