I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
