Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
