End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
