Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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