the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
