As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
