my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
