It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
