I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
