highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
