Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
