This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We had to coat check the pizza.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
