Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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