It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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