Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
