You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
