I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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