i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
