you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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