Plan B is the new Plan A
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
