How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
