WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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