So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
