it hurts more in the daytime
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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