he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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