I wish my penis had an off switch
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
