She is in my trunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
