lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
