Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
