He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
