She said her name was "party"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
