Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"it" just moved
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
