I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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