I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
