why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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