just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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