Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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