Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think my moral compass just broke
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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