just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
