I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
