Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
