that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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